Is the Grass greener on the other side?

     Have you ever felt like life was moving so fast and just passing you by? That's how i have been feeling lately. I feel like im not in control of anything that is going on in my life and I don't like it. Things at home are getting better, but getting used to this whole mom and wife thing is hard at the age of 20. I can't believe that all of this has happened so fast.

       All the time i talk to my best friends and they tell me about college life and partying and all of that. Sometimes i feel like this is too much for me. I feel like that is where i am supposed to be. Living life and being a "kid". I mean dont get me wrong, i wouldn't change my life for anything, but sometimes i just wonder. I wonder what it would be like going to classes day in and day out. Hanging out with my old friends and the new friends that I would meet. Partying on the weeknds. Playing volleyball and basketball in college. As I start to think about those things, i also think about all the things that made me not go in the first place. In goi g off to college, I would have to take out student loans, I would have to work and go to school, so i wouldn'[t be able to hang out all of that much. Going to school back where I lived I would know a lot of people. I would meet some new people but the school was a small campus.

      After thinking about all of those things I think about why I chose to join the military. I wanted to get out and be able to see somewhere new. See new places, travel. In changing duty stations you would meet lots of new people. Also, I will admit, having a steady pay check is really great! Plus health benefits. Being able to step out on my own and stand on my own two feet without having to rely on anyone else. Yes I will admit that is does have it's down falls sometimes, but for the most part it reall isn't all that bad :).

    As I think about all the changes that my life has gone through the past 2 years, I am surprised how fast two years go by first of all, I am greatful for making it this far. My life is truley blessed. Although it seems out of control sometimes, I love it, and I always know that no matter what I have Gregg, gabba and my family and friends behind me to support me every day. So i know that everything is all right and I KNOW that I made the right decision!

Gabba Gabba Gabba :)

There has been a lot going on with Gabba since I last posted. SHe is growing fast. Things are getting better with her ROP (retinopathy of prematurity). Instead of being seen every week she is now being seen every 2 weeks. THis is a great sign :). It has been awhile since she has seen a doctor becasue they said that she didn't have to be seen so much (which was so exciting for me because the running was getting exhausting). I weighed hr today when we were at the hospital and she weighs 9lbs and 8oz. Getting so big. Today we have grown out of newborn diapers and into size 1. Also all of her newborn clothes are starting to get a little tighter. Hopefully she will be in 0-3mths soon. She is starting to get more personality and she is even beginnig to smile now. It is really exciting. She is getting a lot better with keeping her head up when being supported sitting. This Mom thing is so great. I thank God every day for my little miracle. She has really given me the motivation to become a better person in every way. I LOVE MY GABBA <3

Gabrielle aka YO GABBA GABBA :)

NEW UPDATES:
Gabrielle is growing fast! As of last Tuesday she weighed 7lbs 2oz.

As of Tuesday her age corrected to 1mth....that means that even though she is 4mths old (as of Friday March 19h) she is really only at the developmental age of a 1mth old.  She is doing really great..BIG NEWS She got her monitor off Thursday! I was so happy to get rid of that thing. It is so much more fun no having to worry about carrying it aroud. Gabba has been doing great wthout it too. Also she is getting better at lifting and holding up her head. She is becoming more aware of the world around her. She is really a nosey baby. If she is awake she likes to be sitting up looking every where. Also, we have been practicing on focusing on things. We have been working with a rattle. I shake it until she looks at it then I move it so that she follows it with her eyes and she is getting very good at that. :oP

Things have been going great but we still have some bad news. When we went to the doctor on Tuesday, she told us that Gabrielle's MRI showed that she has cysts on the outside of the right side of her brain (aka PVL) Dr. Voldoka (Gabba's neonatologists) says that this isnt something that could be life threatining, but on top of her being a 26 week-er and being behind the learning power curve, this could possibily cause her some serious learning and developmental issues. Dr. Voldoka has advise me to not look up the meaning of  PVL because it only gives you the worse case senario, so for now we are going to take it one day at a time and go with the flow. Gabba will be fine no matter what! She is a strong girl :) well that's all for now....TTYL

Stressed................

Ok things have been getting really crazy lately. A little over two weeks ago, I went back to work. I went back not really knowing what job i was going to be doing because they were trying to move me around because I am the only one here to take care of my daughter right now. The night before I went back to work I was completely over whelmed. Between trying to make sure I was ready to go back to work, and trying to make sure that Gabba was ready for daycare. It was just really crazy. Going back to work wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, at first. Then things changed. Gabrielle started to have her appointmets and i was having to leave work and take her to the appointments. I was trying to struggle work, being a brand new mother, the apartment, the dogs, school, trying to go see her father when we could make the time, etc. Now they have changed my job and im going to be possibly be changing again this week into a whole new clinic. On top of that, we have leave coming up in the middle of April and middle of May. Our apartment lease is up at the end of May, so we are trying to decided if we want to pay 150 more for month to month or find another place to stay. We are also dealing with her father's divorce. Things are completely crazy, I say I'm fine and that I am holding it together but the truth is, I don't think I am doing such a great job. Gregg tells me that I am being realy wonderful through all of this..and I really am trying because I don't want to stress him because I know it is hard for him to be away from us, I just can't wait until he comes home Thursday! I am so looking foward to it. I hope that once he gets home things will get easier. We shall see. :) I know this may be really confusing to those of you all who may be reading this, but this was just an attempt to vent and destress :)

Back to work ;-(

So Monday I started back working. It was hard because Gabba had decided that she didn't want me to go back and if i did she was going to make me exhausted. She had been really great about sleeping through the night. Starting Sunday night though...she decided that she wanted to not go to sleep until 12 or 1am...and if she did by chance go to bed earlier she would wake up at 1am and wouldn't want to go to sleep. I'm sort of getting used to it. It doesnn't seem all that bad, but we will see how I am feeling at the end of the week.
Newho, Monday Gabba also started her first day of daycare. I was so sad when I had to drop her off. I think if it wasn't for the fact that I had to go to work early, I could have sat there all day. One good thing though is that she has appointments during the week and I have to leave work and pick her up early. Which is great. Like yesterday I got off at noon becasue she had two appointments. They went very well. She is gaining weight very well. 6lbs 11oz YAY!! She is getting really great at holding her head up by herself. She is getting so big. She is also slowly getting to were she can kind of focus. She is getting so big. I just can't stop saying it! :) newho back to work..lol TTYL

Visitors from Illinois...

Things have been a little hard for me lately with everything going on. I have had so much stress on my plate, and it hasn't helped that I am so far away from my whole family. About the only support system that I have had out here has been Gabrielle's dad, and although he is completely GREAT, he is going through these things too so it just doesn't seem fair. I was so happy to find out that my sister and her 3 children were coming out here. They showed up this Sunday. It was great to see faces from back home. They will be staying here this week and i am so excited! Today we did some shopping and let the kids see the beach..but it was getting too cold and dark so we are going back another day! So looking foward to this week.! :)

Having Gabba Home

OH MY! I am ao thrilled that Gabba is home. She has been home a little over a week and things have been completely great. Still trying to get use to this whole being a mommy thing, but it is great. Never knew that I could love something this much. She is so tiny but is such a big part of my life. It has been great just relaxing with her at home. Wish her dad didn't have to work but he has other things that he has to take care of so its ok. Gabrielle is so beautiful. Sometimes I just sit and stare at her. She is so perfect. It has been a little crazy dealing with this heart monitor. It hasn't gone off too much, most of the time it is just the low battery alarm. Nights have been a little crazy because she has her days and night confused. Also she has a problem sleeping when the lights are off. The lights in the NICU were so bright that when its dark she can't sleep. We are taking it one day at a time though. Her dad has really been great during all of this. He has never really had any experience with baby but it seems like he is a natural. Gabba is his little twin, his little sidekick. He is always helping out. It is great. To be honest it really shocked me. Well more to come at a later date.

v/r
Wendy Czapla