This past week has been very busy. Class, work, seeing Gabba in the NICU, home life, volunteering, etc. Things have been getting a little overwhelming. I'm hoping things get better when my daughter comes home. I have been so stressed being away from her. Wondering how she is doing, has her cold gotten any better, how has she done on her bottle feeds, have the doctors made any changes. It's hard. 
After I had her it was really hard because I didn't get to have any of those normal mommy and baby moments. I didn't get to have her lay on my chest after they delivered her. I had to wait hours before I could actually go see her and then I couldn't even hold her. All I could do was stick my hands through the holes in her isolette and gently touch her. Touch her little hands, little feet, little face, which I couldn't even really see because it was all covered with tape holding in her breathing tube. It was really scary.
My baby was only 1lb 12.5oz and 13in. Such I tiny little thing. Never thought I could love something that little that much. The next day my parents and my younger sister got here after a 16 hour drive from back home. It was so great being able to see them after so long. At first I didn't even tell my family I was pregnant. I went home in August and was almost 3mths pregnant. I didn't tell anyone but my best friends. It wasn't until I came back to VA that I told them. 
Newho, At first I was really depressed when I got out of the hospital, I couldn' t be by here whenever I wanted and I didn't have the security of being right down the hallway from her all day. I felt guilty when I left the hospital because I felt as if I was being a bad parent by not being there 24/7. I felt wrong for going places without her. The weekend after I got out of the hospital we went with my parents to the beach, it was their first time because we have lived in the midwest our whole lives, I was so sad because she wasn't there with me. Even though I was having a great time with my family, I still was sad on the inside. It felt as if everything made me think of her and when I did it usually made me cry.
I sometimes blamed myself for having her so early. I felt as if it was my fault. As if there was something I could have done to have prevented this from happening. After awhile, and with the help of her father, it got easier, slowly but surely got easier. People say that I might have been going through post-partum depression and her being in the NICU wasn't making the situation any better. Whether that was the case or not I got through it and I am so happy to this day how the situation is. It made me a stronger person and made us a stronger family. 
Now my baby is 9 weeks old, 4lbs 5oz and 16inches. She is eating off a bottle 2 times a day and is growing everyday. Hopefully she will be home in the next couple of weeks. I totally can't wait. well that's all for now!!
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